"I was going nowhere fast, a life full of fake friends, substance abuse, negativity and poor choices.I Literally wanted to kill myself numerous times, fighting depression and dark thoughts. I also blamed everyone else, but myself..."
My life before...
I was drinking a fosters beer at 8am after being sick in the toilet, I had a heavy night the night before and my body was shaking. I just wanted another drink, as that was going to make me feel better, that will ease the shakes and help me focus on getting more drink for the rest of that day. If I had more alcohol then I could focus on a motive, see who's around, see who's got money, see how we could get money and then see how we could get fucked up...
You see this was my life for many years, just the idea of being a fake little gangster with a bad attitude, blaming everyone but myself. I didn't care about a future, goals, dreams, ambitions. Because in my head I was always victimised and everyone was against me, my so called 'friends' encouraged this substance abusing lifestyle which was full of trouble.
I carried weapons at multiple points in my life because I always had problems with people, there was always some drama. I was always in trouble with the police and none stop looking over my shoulder, especially on nights out. But again that point I thought it was cool, I thought I was liked, I thought I was popular.
I've pushed people away, hurt people I didn't mean to hurt and became suicidal all on my own. Ive destroyed good relationships, thrown away amazing opportunities and spent every penny I had. Ive woken up in drug dens, police cells, I've woken with black eyes, been robbed and i've still blamed everyone else but myself.
The drink and drugs always lead me to chasing highs, portraying a life I wasn't happy with and when the drugs are gone, funny enough so are the so called 'friends'.
You every just cry wanting to die for days alone?...
I did.
My life now...
Helping homeless was a HUGE breakthrough for me, yes randomly helping others in need helped me change my own ways and become a better me. I know it sounds like a strange breakthrough but it happened on a night out, yes I was ready to drink a load of alcohol, sniff some more cocain and 'enjoy' a good night...
Turns out that this night was to be just the start of my never ending journey of self discovery, self development and new life. It was a night out in Brighton, in East Sussex and we was all walking along the seafront where I seen two homeless people on the the seafront opposite a fish & chip shop. For roughly £20 I could have fed them both, but I didn't and I had a pocket full of cash.
It bothered me so much, the following weekend I returned to Brighton, fed and clothed roughly 18 homeless people and that feeling there was a breakthrough! What a feeling!
Then I started reading, going to seminars, watching educational or motivational videos online. As soon as your mind starts to shift, you values can change and you start distancing yourself from the wrong people. You start looking for more in life, more people with goals, dreams, ambitions. I started levelling up my own life.
